Back in S10

This should have been posted on the 9th of October

2006-10-18T03:51:00.000-07:00

A drizzly autumn is making serious inroads in to my cheery disposition today. The whole weekend was given over to feeling sorry for myself after a spot of minor oral surgery on Thursday to take a lump out of my lower lip. Jennifer very kindly collected me from work and sat in the dental hospital waiting room feeling guilty about eating a chocolate bar that I had put in the flowers I bought her. Flowers are all well and good but they are more background than entertainment. I on the otherhand was sat in the reclining chair and issued with a drape and science goggles whilst the surgeon jammed anaesthetic in to my lip and gums. I must have had my face screwed up pretty tight, it stung like nothing else, since he stopped and one point to check if I was ok. The operation was fairly routine. This I discovered because the dental nurse began talking about her niece’s teeth whilst I was being stitched up. If it wouldn’t have come out as incoherent spit and blood I would have objected.

I know now I could never be an international star of any proportions owing to my complete lack of imagination when it came to outrageous demands. Asking Jen to buying me liquid food and post a letter doesn’t really compare to a refusal to ever walk up stairs or a champagne filled bath. All I really wanted to do was lie in bed and read, which accounted for a large proportion of Friday. I decided against work because my mouth was hideously disfigured and talking, subsequently, difficult. For one reason and another my house mate Joe was around so I wasn’t entirely lonely. By Saturday the swelling was better and I spent most of the day with Jen including a walk to Hillsborough in the sunshine to get her car back. It past its MOT, took us to the Ice Hockey and back then wouldn’t start on Sunday. This time we had to walk up from Hillsborough which required all of the calories contained within my experimental banoffee crumble.

Ice Hockey is a bit of a buzz word at the minute and I am fully on the bandwagon. The season resumed in September and the Sheffield Steelers beat the Cardiff Devils 2-1 (0-0, 0-1, 2-0) on Saturday night. Games are played at the Hallam FM arena with new sponsors Unison. The most humorous new endorsement is ‘The Specsavers penalty box’ to which 2 players were dispatched for a fight fully 2 seconds after the start of the match.

0.0 – 0.5: puck in flight from umpires hand to ice
0.5 - 1: Gloves thrown down.
1– 2: Skaters on b-line toward one another
2 - 23: two fully grown men belting one another about the head.
24: Game resumes.

Autumn

2006-10-04T07:42:00.000-07:00

This is being typed in Word because I still haven’t learnt the parameters of Sheffield City Council Internet usage. It probably isn’t worth getting fired over finding out from Guardian Unlimited what David Pleat would do if anyone were stupid enough to make him England manager. Everybody is out of the office for a large part of today because of the high-level meeting in the Quality Improvement Support Service (QISS). The changes have effect from next Spring when I am not expected to be here so instead I am entrusted with answering the phones. The meeting that directly follows it is of more interest because the unions are in today sparking rumours of massive job cuts and mandatory kidney donations for all. Or something. I can’t imagine what survival instinct the urge in humans to assume the worst, and then relate it in very loud hushed tones to Shirley from HR, served our caveman forebears.

My hunter gatherer instinct was in full effect on Saturday on my bi-annual clothes shopping trip. Most of my shoes have holes in the bottom ad were bought during 6th Form so needed replacing for the rainy season else I will get trench foot. I also bought a new jumper with the dual purpose of being smart enough for work during the wardrobe penumbra of autumn when a coat is at times necessary but often a burden when sweating up a hill.

Speaking of which I managed to resolve the getting to work dilemma using a simple flow chart

Can I be bothered to cycle?-------Yes -------Go down to cellar and pump up tyres
No-------Take the bus

Tesco very kindly operate a service from the Hallamshire Hospital to Abbeydale so I catch it from the Botanical Gardens to right outside work. The general perception of bus drivers took a dent this week when one guy sold me a weeks pass on the promises of the 50p I was short coming the next day, then on the way home it had just left my stop but the driver let me jump on provided he didn’t have to stop the bus. I felt like Harrison Ford, if he were to carry a rainbow umbrella advertising a drugs company.

New School

2006-09-26T05:20:00.000-07:00

Regardless of whether you left full time education a year ago or not September seems to exert an unfair sway over the rhythm of the year. The summer is putting in a late resurgence after a washed out August in S10 but is pretty well gone and things are starting up again. The Church has welcomed back its students making being on time mandatory if you want a seat and the high street is littered with school children sporting tans that suggest that they spent the summer umbilically attached to the television. The latter was rudely brought to my attention when I turned on to the homeward stretch of my morning run and was confronted with a slalom course past the bus stop.

September was also a month for moving jobs after just over 4 months spent twiddling thumbs and variously checking football and tennis scores on the internet before the severe doldrums set in and I was forced to start writing better applications form. Apparantly it is not enough to repeatedly assert the fact that you can do exactly what the employer is asking for without giving evidence. The Environment Agency call centre was a very nice place to work but I had long since exhausted its practical benefit to by cv. Enter the council and seemingly insatiable need to appoint a professional support officer. Having applied on a Friday I had the call back the following Tuesday and an interview 6 days later and started the following Monday (26/09/2006). It is hard to know what was the single biggest contributing factor in being accepted since I had, after months of nagging, acquiesced in getting a short back and sides but the empirical value of that was distorted by getting my trousers pressed and dry cleaned. The interview consisted of a 30 minute assessment (typing, minute taking and practical sense) which nobody was responsible for timing and a half hourish interview. I was particularly pleased with my answer to the “experience that had a discernable effect on you?” Well, I began, having set out alone to Canada with the noble aim of learning to snowboard I had to overcome such obstacles as having nowhere to live or source of income. If only all character building were so much fun.

I left the environment agency in a decorous manner, taking in carrot cake which I did try and share but ate 3 pieces of anyway and was rewarded with a card and malteasers. The intervening weekend was intended to for the purpose of buying shirts and ties which were in plentiful supply in Ecclesall Road’s many charity shops. Fleet is less so well endowed as when I tried to buy one for graduation last year. The selection there can best be catergorised as cartoon characters, saxophones with trails of notes and cartoon character playing saxophones with a trail of notes pattern. In the event I borrowed one from a neighbour after mother vetoed my preferred choice of Dad’s funeral tie (…but black goes with everything...).

The office is on Ecclesall road South in a converted school which has many different uses. My office is an old class room but some of the room are still used to teach proto-type lessons when they bring pupils and teachers in. There is even an assembly hall but on the 2 days I have been here we haven’t congregated to sing “All thing bright and beautiful”. It takes about 45 minutes to walk in the morning but more like 30 if I take the right bus. I probably ought to buy a bike since I would save £15 a week and would only have to pedal on the way back given that I live at just about the top of everything around here.

Unintended Poetics

2006-06-02T08:53:00.000-07:00

There has been a mystery at work this week worthy of a paperback title at least. 'The Missing Whispers' sounds intriguing, perhaps even fascinating, but actually means that we are no longer getting prompted as to what manner of phone call we are receiving. Now when we pick up there isn't a voice that says "agricultural waste call", previously an excellent cover to stop laughing or swallow your mouthful of tea/apple/humbug. So far nothing disastorous has come of this but if the thief could return our whispers soon we can all rest easy.

It hasn't been an especially arduous week between the bank holiday and today being a dress down day for Breast Cancer Research. It was a pound if you wore pink so consequently I am left wearing my only pink shirt, shorts and flip flops. Perhaps a psycologist could explain why this outfit is less conducive to work but it is. Sadly our office grandfather figure beat me to the cross word so I have filled in the day calculating my carbon emissions through round-the-world air travel (over 6 tonnes).

The Quadrant

2006-05-23T07:35:00.000-07:00

The Environment Agency set me up in the new offices at the Quadarant on Monday which meant one thing, TOYS. I have a computer with the most environmentally friendly monitor money can buy and a telephone which I actually only press one button on. The switchboard is controlled by computer which I think has something to do with health and safety. The building itself, as the name would suggest, is very corporate with brushed steel and lattes everywhere, situated a little outside of Sheffield but less than half an hour by car (shared of course).

Primarily we are here to take calls from farmers grappling with their exemptions forms but we seem to be a one-stop shop from bizarre environmental maladies. This morning I was sucked in to the gripping case of the river that needed to be rerouted to dredge a duck pond, further complications being added by the desire to use the sediment on the land. Better still was the poor old lady who I was valiantly helping track her grandson's summons for fishing without a license. I was on the verge of tears until she accidently let slip that her grandson was 26 and probably capable of fighting his own battles.

As the week has progressed the keen-ness has subsided and today I slipped in to using msn between calls and researching things to make a summer in sheffield more interesting. I didn't ought to get to cocky because I was caught sitting accidently unavailable for calls, which is a sure fire way to get a university holiday (unpaid). I am not sure when the 'I don't get 3 months off' will hit but it will be a long dark day. Yesterday I occupied myself by writing letters to my great aunt and former-hosuemate, you can just about get away with that since in the right light it looks like work. Added novelty value came from using a pen with "I'm made from an old computer printer" stamped on the side.

Yesterday the buzz word was 'I have a surprise for you'. The first surprise was a job possibility that another former-housemate printed out for me. We happened to bump in to each other walking down crookes high st looking an awful lot smarter than this time last year. Depressing. The second surprise was a show at Sheffield's newish venue 'The Plug' where Good Shoes ( a band promoted by a friend of Jen's) were playing. Also in the building were the Babyshambles so I caught a glimpse of them through a fire exit and thats about it. Sounded alright, not ground breaking. Good Shoes were really tight but the bassist was clearly put out by the small crowd. His witty between song jibes would have resonated more if it didn't look like he had to summon all his energy to concoct them.

I'm not living for the weekend yet but I am living for exercise. This evening is football with Rich Grant and some others from church. He takes his football seriously and I think my being asked to play had something to do with an en masse firing of the team-mates that got beat last week.

Whatever, next

2006-05-19T03:06:00.000-07:00

So what is new?

I am now engaged to Jennifer Costelloe who I have been going out with for just over 15 months. Aside from the obvious questions of when, where and how the main response was, you can't possibly take that surname off her Paul Smith. They're right of course which led to discussions of smith-costelloe vs plain smith of costelloe. At present I am erring toward becoming Paul Costelloe,having got over sleazy business man with gold jaguar reservations.

The pace with which things have moved since I got back to the UK has contributed to a general lack of analysis concerning the travelling experience. Aside from coming through with relationship in tact the biggest success was missing all of daylight savings. There was already 8pm light in April and that is getting better by the day. Crookes put on a pretty special display of pink tree blossom which was heart warming for the romantics amongst us. Equally heart warming was the return to climbing sheffield hills everyday whilst casing the employment agencies and careers library. Fortunately there was a whole week of summer weather, a major aide to getting engaged since you can't get down on one knee if it will get wet and muddy. Dry roads saved one walk since the self-same hills are perfect for my longboard.

My stay in Fleet, Hampshire lasted fully 2 weeks before I loaded up the car my brother has left me whilst serving her majesty in the Arab World. 2 skateboards, 2 surfboards and a few suits on the off chance of a job. I am living with the Greenfields who were friends from church/university and helpfully live opposite most of my housemates fromthe last few years and some very good friends. I had a job within a fortnight, starting last monday. It has been a week in Rotheram before the new Sheffield office opens on monday. It has been like going back to school, the shirts, smart trousers, start times and general lack of enough to do to fill the day. Yesterday we made posters on good phone manner and were rewarded with refresher bars.

The last few months, whilst sleep heavy, clearly weren't of sufficient quality since I put in a few solid 12 hour sessions during the last week of my 11 month hiatus. Jo Wiley aided the transistion neatly by playing Jack Johnson back to back with "working 9 'til 5".

2006-05-19T02:56:00.000-07:00

This blog was based upon a few simple ideas
1. I liked doing the last one
2. I have a job with ready internet access
3. I could make an appalling pun on the title of my last blog.

I now live in Crookes, Sheffield which falls within the S10 postal code. I have a shiny new job with the Environment Agency in their agricultural waste department, helping farmers register as waste producers. The intention of this blog is not to make cheap jibes about farmers, Rotheram or even post-student life although a plan is not a self-fulfilling prophecy.